…anino sa dilim…

then he met this wonderful girl. so wonderful that he immediately forgot the pain he had incurred in the past.

he was happy, and the girl was happy.

he felt the same high when he met the girl that hurted him 15 months ago, only this time, its different.

he knew that his feelings could be reciprocated.

and certainly it did happen.

—————————————————–

and now..

he had a chance to be with the girl who hurted him 15 months ago..

the girl who nearly killed him 15 months ago..

and now..

he doubts himself..

he doubts himself more than ever. this "i-know-myself-best-compared-to-others" thing onhis mind was completely destroyed.

it’s ridiculous, some would say, to be thinking this way after a night with the girl who hurted him 15months ago. a night is obviously nothing compared to months of relationship with the present girl.

its absolute stupidity..

but he cant blame himself, its his heart that’s talking right now..

logic or reasoning or anything of that matter wouldn’t fit in with the situation he’s into..

but he knows he has to move on, leave the what ifs..

living life without what ifs is impossible. everybody has to have regrets, and must learn from it.

he knows that there are things that can never be ours. for some reasons, these things could be bad for us, or they already belong to someone else, or we already lost the chance to claim them as our own, or maybe, they are not really meant to be ours.

life is full of turns, and no matter how aware are you of the situation, there are some things that will eventually caught us off guard.

i had a talk with a friend last night. he told me that he is in a situation wherein he knows what to do but cannot.

obviously, i asked for some details and ended up sharing the same dilemna.

this post is for you, who made me think more than twice about what had happened.

——

making decisions are tough. you have to have the courage to deal with the consequences that may arise once your choice had been made. there’s no turning back. you got to live with it, no matter how ugly it turned.

he thought he found the right one for him. the girl was simply amazing; she was beautiful, inside and out. he need not ask for more, but an incident changed all of this. this certain sense of "thank god, i found the right one" was shattered after a this minute-long event happened.

exactly 15 months ago, he fell for a girl who could never love him back. he knew that this was the case, but somehow, just like anyone would act if they were on his shoes, he tried his luck.

he prepared himself for the rejection, and just like what was expected, it came. the pain was not like the ones he imagined. he prepared himself, but it was just enough for a fraction of the pain he got.

he decided to move on.

one must create his own path in order to move forward.

there’s no other way to ease the pain, he thought.

time will be of help in this case.

tanong: ano ang ibig sabihin ng pagiging "mature"?

sagot: ang pagiging mature ay isang estado ng isipan. kapag "mature" ka na, mas nabibigyan mo na ng mas malalim na pakahulugan ang mga bagay bagay o sitwasyon, bagkus makakakuha ng mas karapat dapat na desisyon.

tanong: ibig sabihin, kahit 45 years old ka na, pwedeng hindi ka pa rin "mature"?

sagot: kahit 50 years old ka na, posibleng hindi ka pa rin "mature".

tanong: kaya pala may mga term na "mukhang mature" na posibleng literal pala ang ibig sabihin.

sagot: tumpak. bakit ka ba nagtatanong?

sagot: eh nung umatend kasi ako ng reunion nmen ng mga 4thyear clasm8s ko, may nakuha akong award..

tanong: anong award?

sagot: "mukha pa rin syang high school" award. ibig sabihin, hindi ako mukhang mature.

tanong: ano? hindi ka mukhang mature? seryoso? ehem..

<gunshots, gunshots, and gunshots still>

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with… and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; unconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?"

You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That’s what the one that got away is.

The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different.

What do you do if it’s not yet too late?

Simple…find him, find her.

Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone,

"Hey you, you’re the one that ALMOST got away."

Ilang linggo na lang,

Engineering week na..

Sigurado akong mamatay na naman ako sa pagod, at makakalimot sa salitang "acads" panandalian..

pero ok lang, masaya naman ako sa ginagawa ko..

ibang high kasi ang naibibigay sakin ng engineering week..

kapag sabay sabay na sumisigaw ng chant, kapag sabay sabay na nambebekray ng ibang orgs, kapag sabay sabay na humihirit, kapag sabay sabay na natutuwa kahit na natalo sa isang game, at mas natutuwa kapag nanalo, kapag sabay sabay na naiiyak kasi hindi na alam kung ano yung uunahin..

kakaiba yung experience..

malamang maraming magsasabi na unahin ko muna yung acads ko, at hindi engineering week ang makakatulong sakin paglabas ko ng university..

pero hindi.. mali sila dun.. kasi kung yun ang dahilan, hindi na dapat ginawa ang enggweek 20 years ago..

hindi ko naman pababayaan ang acads ko, may january hanggang march pa..

at hindi ang pagbubuhos ko ng atensyon sa enggweek ang magpapabago ng mga mangyayari sakin kung sakaling lumabas na ako ng university.. isang linggo lang yan ‘tol, kumpara sa dami ng linggong ilalaan mo sa loob ng classroom..

kaya pagdating ng enggweek, sugod lang ako..

walang makakatalo sa experience na maibibigay nito sakin..

ang engineering week ang isa sa libu-libong dahilan kung bakit kakaiba ang college of engineering sa ibang colleges..

Samahan mo ako, masaya ‘to, pramis..

go kem!!! go kem!!! go kem!!!

hwaaaayaaa!!!!!

masakit ang ulo ko ngaun..

ilang araw na akong puyat..

ilang araw na akong walang matinong pahinga..

pero hindi ako pwedeng bumitaw, kapag bumitaw ako, dead meat..

eto na yung last part ng sem, dapat tapusin ng maayos..

hindi pwedeng magpabaya..

kaya ako nawala ng panandalian..

sa loob ng halos anim na buwan, dalawa lang ang siguradong rumehistro sa utak ko..

masarap matulog, pero mas masarap ang magpahinga..

at hinding hindi ako bibitaw..

gets?

im back after an eternity of rest.. <insert sarcasm>

and im glad about it..

everything happened so fast..

but oh so clear..

sa lahat ng nangyari sa nakalipas na dalawang buwan, isa lang ang masasabi ko:

lahat ng iyon ay nangyari dahil sa paniniwala mo sa akin..

maraming salamat mahal ko..

ikaw..

oo, ikaw..

hindi mo ba alam na nakakasakit ka na sa mga ginagawa mo?

ang mga tao talaga, sobrang nagiging illogical kapag galit..

hindi nman kita masisi kung bakit may sama ka ng loob sakin eh, sabi mo nga, nagcnungaling ako sayo..

pero miss, hindi mo alam ang buong istorya kung bakit ko ginawa yun..

pwede mong sabihin na nagdadahilan na lang ako, [you're entitled to feel that way] pero may mga ilang bagay talaga na dapat itago, dahil sa hindi ‘to dapat malaman o kaya hindi mo pa dapat malaman sa ngaun..

sige lang miss, paglapitin mo sila..

tutal, mas bagay sila, mas mabait sya sakin, mas maipagmamalaki, hindi cnungaling, mas may hitsura, mas masaya kasama..

naniniwala akong hindi mo sya kayang impluwensyahan..

kung lalayo sya sakin, cgurado akong hindi dahil sa pambubuyo mo..

syanga pala, wala akong iniisip na masama sayo ngaun, or kahit dati pa, hindi kita pinag icpan ng masama..

marunong akong umintindi..

sana lang, maalala mo na may role ako kung bakit ka naging masaya ngaun.. hindi ako nambubulyaw, cnsabi ko lang ‘to para mabawasan naman yung gnawa mong pambubuyo sa kanya.. na nagpapasama ng loob ko..

minsan, sinasabi ng ibang tao na ang tunay na ligaya, nakukuha ng may kapalit..

tunay kasi yun, dapat may kapalit..

lahat naman ng bagay sa mundo, may kapalit..

dapat magbibigay ka o kaya kung ayaw mo, may kukuha na lang ng kung ano man sayo ng biglaan..

kunyari, para maka uno ka sa isang klase, hindi ka pwedeng tumunganga, dapat magbigay ka ng panahon para ma uno ka..

o kaya, para magkaroon ka ng six pack na abs, dapat mag crunches ka ng uhhm.. madami para makuha yun..

o kaya, para gumaling kang kumanta, kumanta ka ka lang ng kumanta kahit ngawit na dila mo saka ngalangala..

ang naisip ko lang, hanggang kelan ba dapat magbigay?

minsan, kahit anong sipag mo na sa isang klase, kapag nakatyempo ka ng prof na parang may regla araw araw, at napagdiskitahan ka, magbilang ka na kung ilang 0.25 ang maidadagdag sa unong inaasam asam mo..

minsan, kahit sobrang dami na ng crunches mo, hindi pa rin lalabas yung six pack abs na gusto mo, yung tipong ang makikita mo eh apat lang, tapos yung dalawa, nasa likod mo pa, kalyo sa pagccrunches..

minsan, kahit sobrang praktisado ka na sa pagkanta at naubos mo na yung mga kanta sa magic sing mo, ang ending, magiging marunong ka lang kumanta, hindi magaling talaga..

bakit ganon?

yung ligaya na gusto ko, kung ang magiging kapalit eh usap usapan sa likuran ko, pagtataas ng kilay ng iba, pagsasalita ng dehins magandang salita na parang kilala na ako sa tono ng pagsasalita..

go lang..

di ako matitinag..

lam nyo yung ibig sabihin ng minsan lang? eto na yun..

kung makakawala man, sumubok ako..

yun lang naman ang libre sa mundo eh, try..

(hindi din pala..)

feelings are often associated with colors.

blue if youre feeling lonely;

white if youre at rage;

red if youre feeling passionate;

yellow if youre jealous;

green if you envy somebody;

it just came to me, shades are often not considered…

and if it is, would that mean light red is slightly passionate, and would that mean that others should follow? how about light white for that matter?

people are obsessed with extremes. you can’t blame them, everybody wants to feel the euphoria, because the society says that extremes is the greatest thing you could ever feel, and it can mold you into a better being.

society says you have to be DEEPLY in love before entering into a relationship, if youre not, categorically the feeling is called fondness..

society says you have to be GRAVELY hurt after breaking up with someone, if youre not, categorically the feeling is called an upset..

society says you have to move on VERY SLOWLY after learning that the one you love cant love you back, if youre not, categorically you are not just that into her/him..

Nobody ever sees the different kinds of shades because all eyes are on achieving that opaque, solid color..

and shades are just mere shades..

if youre on a shade, society would persecute you..

i am on a shade, that why im blurting out these nonsense things about shades and opaques and extremes..

persecute me now..